Continuing the traditional of a few years now, I proudly present my Christmas film.
I follow a set of guidelines when making these films. Firstly, to make it in a about a day and secondly, with whatever I have to hand. The idea of these guidelines is to recreate the spirit of a homemade Christmas card. Now, I'm rubbish at making cards and I hate glitter, plus I'm too tight to buy stamps. Luckily, I'm okay at making films - hence why you are being forced to watch this.
Which brings me to the film itself - this year something perhaps too close to home, 5 reasons why scriptwriters hate Christmas! Yay, seasonal misery, awesome.
Please upgrade your copy of Mr Vista. It is expired.
We all know that impatience is the curse of the IT user. I mean, come on, we aren't getting any younger are we? And yet there we are, wasting the best years of our lives watching a spiny thing or a little egg timer if we are mac addicts. And that egg-timer just flips around when it is empty anyway.
Okay, so maybe we weren't actually planning on doing anything with these 'best years', as we generally fear the outside and other humans. But that isn't the point!
So what is the point? Oh yes, today's lesson. Don't click away on the mouse like a twitching chimp, just give in, surrender, and wait for the egg timer.
Today's episode is from the prolific pen of Michelle Goode.
What happens when you reach half way through series 3 of a so-called 'comedy' web series? Well it seems that Mr Vista has become clogged up with stupid ideas and is hampered by repetitive, almost formulaic thoughts. Luckily, the colleague is on hand to perform a defrag!
Mr Vista is stricken with a spot of the winter flu. But, hey, that's no problem for the geek-meister. He has just had his anti-virus application installed. Just as well his brain doesn't contain too many files!
Guest writer: Michelle Goode. Music by Louis Derry.
Mr Vista has one final attempt at getting his Windows 7 inspired advert made. We have heard that he has been working on some 'exciting' ideas - he just needs to print them out. Yes, we can all see where this is going, stupid printer drivers. But go with it. At least it is short. And the last one of these advert thingies.
Mr Vista was so pleased to discover that you internet people enjoyed his half-assed spoof of the Windows 7 advert - that he has decided to do a take 2. This cyber stardom may all be going to his head, or at least his hat!
Mr Vista is back for one more desperate clutch at online fame, now that is generally yesterday's news.
The blue-hatted legend starts will some little teaser episodes to ease you back in. He got quite upset at the "Windows 7 second guide" adverts on TV and so tried to make his own instead.
We were all very proud when YouTube wanted to feature Mr Vista as a case study in how to get the most out of their new 'Hot Spot' feature.
Recognition, fame, pride. We all need such things. And who better to deliver it then a large, advert funded, mega corporation!
This new feature allows you to see how a video holds the attention of the viewer. Adam Sense, from YouTube, talks through the system and how it could be used to make Mr Vista a richer experience for viewers everywhere. The man clearly understands the exciting nature of this new artform with an eye to the sensibilities of its growing audience and the boundaries of its aesthetic potential.
YES! We see a 'welcome' return to the Brain Transfer Kit! As seen in previous episodes it has now returned to seek revenge. Perhaps it should be used to forget the entire second series of Mr Vista.
But remember, as "The Colleague" says - if you are going to use the Brain Transfer Kit (tm) then obviously make sure that you back your brain up first. Losing 10 years of photos when your hard drive goes down is nothing compared to having your mind reformatted. All those childhood memories can't be recovered. But then maybe that is for the best. And if you wait long enough old age will dull the pain. It ensures that the cumilative experience of lost chances and regrets - aka your life - slips in a grey fog.
Now if only we could invent a brain RAID!
More, as ever, at www.mrvista****
Ever feel like you aren't getting anywhere in life? Well now you can relive those feelings of boredom, despair, lethargy, melancholy - and my own personal favourite; the feeling of being ineffective. All via the medium of the SatNav. Enjoy!
More ways to waste your life over at www.mrvista****
Just as it gets sunny let's remember what a real British trip to the seaside should be like! Yeah! Us geeks aren't really happy with all this good stuff. Damn, we may even lose our paleness!!! So think of this video as something comforting.
So now - the full awful, tragic and depressing evidence of Mr Vista's so-called holiday. A spin off from a previous episode as so many people seemed to like the brief glimpse of his trip and wanted to see more downbeat miserable drudgery to quench their Mr Vista thirst!
Should remind you of your childhood too!
The wage slave Mr Vista tries to plan a holiday. Economics intervene!
This episode sees the return of the progress bar! At last!!! If you are late to the party then head on over to www.mrvista**** to see previous wranglings with the progress bar from hell.
Seeing as how it was what started this whole ridiculous thing then it makes sense to have it in every now and again. In the same way that you have to invite that uncle around 3 times a year even though he smells of despair. Enjoy.
Guest writer: Dom Carver
You know how it is. You ask for a personal jet pack, a simple enough request, and yet it never arrives!
Estimated time to microwave this dinner - 2 minutes. Yeah right!
It seems like progress bars and the the back of food boxes have a lot in common!
Today's fine episode was sent in by writer Dom Carver.
Dis week u can c a vid all about smileys and acronyms. So if u dont no your 'lmao' from your 'rtfm' then this is the film 4 u! :)
Please also be aware that I now feel ill from typing this and am expecting society to fall at any moment. But before that happens please do not deny yourself a final moment of please and the 'enjoyment' of this weeks slice of geek related fun that is Mr Vista. Take it away you blue-suited clown...
Mr Vista has pulled at last! Virtually of course.
Remember the bad old days? Back then to get a cheeky peek of the female form took effort. Probably involving making 'Scuff Face' Andrews* give you a bunk up so you peek in through the girl's changing room's upper windows - as an example. What a waste of time! And they painted them over after a few weeks anyway. Pah!
Well there is none of that now. The onward march of technology, the billions of dollars invested in technology, the decades of work putting in an international network of inter-connected servers have all paid off. The time is now! Now some girls will give you a tease for free. Awesome. And better for Scuff Face's back too!
* Replace your long suffering friends name here - eg. Chubby Cheng, Killer Khan, Beak nosed Brenda or just plain old 'Fart breath'.