CURRENT ENERGY LEVEL-Enough to run forever! There arethings in my past, which I can never take back. I am sorry for those Especially Nicole and Akemi and my Family if it has hurt you someone that I truly love and care about. All I can hope for Is just forgiveness but that could never be enough. I have to realize what I did, and ensure that I never do it again. It's t ...he process of learning from your mistakes I will learn, so I don't hurt anyone else ever again.

Don't be fooled by me don't be fooled by the face I wear for I wear a mask A thousand masks Masks that I'm afraid to take off And none of them is me. Pretending is an art that's second nature with me But don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled I give you the impression that I'm secure that all is sunny and unruffled with me with in as well as without that confidence is my name and coolness my game that the water's calm and I'm in command and that I need no one but don't believe me. My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask Ever varying andever concealing Beneath lies no complacence beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness but I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed. That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind a nonchalant sophisticated facade to help me pretend to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is precisely my salvation My only hope and I know it that is if it's followed by acceptance If it's followed by love. It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself from my own self built prison walls from the barriers I so painstakingly erect. It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself that I'm really worth something. But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to I'm afraid to I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance Will not be followed by love. I'm afraid you'll think less of methat you'll laugh and your laugh would kill me. I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing and that you will see this and reject me. So I play my game my desperate pretending game with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within. So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks and my life becomes a front. I tell you everything that's really nothing and nothing of what's everything of what's crying within me. So when I'm going through my routine do not be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying What I'd like to be able to say What for survival I need to say but what I can't say.I don't like hiding I don't like playing superficial phony games I want to stop playing them. I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me but you've got to help me you've got to hold out your hand Even when that's the last thing I seem to want only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead. Only you can call me into aliveness each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging each time you try to understand because you really care My heart begins to grow wings very small wings Very feeble wings but wings! With your power to touch me into feeling you can breathe life into me. I want you to know that. I want you to know how important you are to me how you can be a creator an honest to God creator of the person that is me if you choose to. You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble You alone can remove my mask you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic From my lonely prison If you choose to. Please choose to. Do not pass me by. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back. It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man Often I am irrational. I fight against the very thing I cry out for. But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls And in this lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls With firm hands but with gentle hands For a child is very sensitive. Who am I you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. For I am every man you meet And I am every woman you meet.

Fun Without a doubt. First of all I love my life and fully know that everything happens for a reason. I may not always know what the reason is or why But I know I'll accept it. Some have asked me "Would you have __?" or "Don't you wish you __?" My answer for every question like that If I could do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing. I would have missed out on way too much In my life. I'd rather bear some pain that goes along with the my life instead of missing or sacrificing all those good memories. You've got to take some bad with all the good. Life is way to short to spend much of it stressing over all the little intricacies I work with some of the greatest people in the world. If it wasn't for them I would of been out in the street So I Say God Bless them. Not often in life do I get to work with such good people that you actually consider them your family. I wouldn't trade them for anything ever I know they always have my back and they know I have theirs. I love my job and I guess that makes me pretty damn good at them. My entire life got a whole lot easier when I realized that I might as well have my life no matter what I'm doing. Being pissed off or upset never really helps the situation or changes anything so why bother. I believe in saying what needs to be said. I also believe you I might as well ask the questions because the answers are free If you sit on the fence waiting your life will pass you by and you'll only be a spectator. Don't get me wrong I also know there is a fine art of timing involved in this philosophy. An older gentlewoman that I work with once toldme "Always look after your family The ones under you and the ones over you. "Good advice. She gave me. She also said "Figure out how to get your family to do things for you because they want to not because they have to Unless absolutely necessary. "My family and friends are my most valued"possessions" Mostly (Nicole and Akemi)there my gratest gift God gave me.(used loosely of course)in the world. Pretty much everything else can be replaced or done without. Too much more to write You'll have to just ask me if you need to know more.