The clip Puppet Show from Being John Malkovich (1999)
The clip Puppet Show Part 2 from Being John Malkovich (1999)
Craig, honey, it's time for bed.
The clip Ambitions from Being John Malkovich (1999) with Cameron Diaz, John Cusack
Craig, honey, time to get up.
Craig, honey, time to get up.
I'm sorry. I didn't know Orrin Hatch was out of his cage.
Come here. Morning, sweetheart.
What are you gonna do today, honey?
Working in the workshop.
I was thinking, maybe you'd feel better if you got a job.
We've been over this.
Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.
I know, honey, but I thought, you know maybe something else until this puppet thing turns around.
Derek Mantini doesn't need a day job.
Not everybody can be Derek Mantini.
I gotta get to the shop. We have a shipment of kitty litter coming in.
Will you do me a favor? Will you take a look at Elijah today?
He's not feeling very good again.
Which one is Elijah again?
The chimp, honey.
On the lighter side of the news in Westchester County today puppeteer Derek Mantini thrilled onlookers as he performed The Belle of Amherst with a 60-foot Emily Dickinson puppet.
"How dreary to be somebody!
"How public, like a frog To tell your name the livelong day"
You don't know how lucky you are, being a monkey.
Because consciousness is a terrible curse.
I think, I feel, I suffer.
And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work.
And they won't allow it because I raise issues.
The clip Street Puppet Show from Being John Malkovich (1999) with Eric Weinstein
While we enjoyed the pleasures of an uneasy love and abandoned ourselves to fornication we were spared God's severity.
Say no more, I beg you, and cease from complaints like these which are so far-removed from the true depths of love.
Look, a puppet show!
Okay, honey, just for a minute. Mommy's waiting.
Even during the celebration of Mass when our prayers should be pure lewd visions of these pleasures take such a hold upon my unhappy soul that my thoughts are on their very wantonness instead of my prayers.
Sometimes my thoughts are betrayed by the movement of my body.
I took my fill of my wretched pleasures in you and this was the sum total of my love.
The clip Looking for a Job from Being John Malkovich (1999)
The clip 7 1/2th floor from Being John Malkovich (1999) with Octavia Spencer, John Cusack
Seven and a half, right?
I'll take you through it.
Seven and a half.
Welcome to Lestercorp. How may we meet your filing needs?
No. My name's Craig Schwartz.
I have an interview with Dr. Lester.
Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez.
I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're saying to me right now.
The clip 7 1/2th floor Part 2 from Being John Malkovich (1999) with John Cusack, Orson Bean
My name is Schwartz.
"My name is Warts."
I said, "Yes."
You suggest what?
I'm sorry. I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants.
Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now.
The clip Interview with Dr. Lester from Being John Malkovich (1999) with Mary Kay Place, John Cusack
Come in, Mr. Juarez.
My name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester.
No, sir, it's just a little mix-up with your secretary.
My name is Craig Schwartz. I tried to explain that to her.
She's not my secretary.
She's what they call an executive liaison.
And I am not banging her, if that's what you're implying.
No, sir, not at all. I think I must have simply misspoke.
Well, now, tell me, Dr. Schwartz what do you feel you can bring to Lestercorp?
Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer.
Are you? All right. Let's see about that.
Which of these two letters comes first? This one or this one?
The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir.
Damn, you're good.
I was trying to trick you.
Well then, put these in order.
Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
Yes, sir. Genghis Khan Capone. Fine.
Damn fine woman, Floris.
I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine.
You don't have a speech impediment, Dr. Lester.
Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy.
I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on that one.
You see, she's got her doctorate in Speech lmpedimentology from Case Western.
I apologize if you can't understand a word I'm saying.
No, I understand perfectly.
It's very kind of you to lie.
The clip Interview with Dr. Lester Part 2 from Being John Malkovich (1999) with Orson Bean, John Cusack
You see, I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.
You got the job.
Well, just one.
Why are these ceilings so low?
Low overhead, my boy! We pass the savings on to you.
But seriously, that'll all be covered in orientation.
The clip 7 1/2th Floor Story from Being John Malkovich (1999)
Welcome to the 71/2 floor of the Mertin-Flemmer building.
As you'll now be spending your workday here it's important that you learn a bit about the history of this famous floor.
-Hello, Don. -Hello, Wendy.
Don, I was wondering, do you know why our workplace has such low ceilings?
It's an interesting story. Many years ago in the late 1800s James Mertin, an Irish ship captain, came to this town and decided to erect an office building.
He called this building the Mertin-Flemmer building after himself and someone else, who local legend has it was named Flemmer.
Well, one day, old Captain Mertin received an unexpected visitor.
Aye. What want ye, girl child?
I'm not a child, but rather an adult lady of miniature proportions.
I see. Well, if it's charity you're after be gone with ye, you foul demon!
I'm not asking for alms, Captain but, rather, the ear of a kind man with a noble heart.
Well, speak then, if you must.
Captain Mertin, I'm afraid that the world was not built with me in mind.
Doorknobs are too high, chairs are unwieldy and high-ceilinged rooms mock my stature.
Why cannot there be a place for me to work that's safe and comfortable?
Thy story has moved me like no other.
Therefore, I shall make ye me wife.
And I shall build a floor for ye between the seventh and the eighth in me own building so at least there'll be one place on God's green earth where ye and your accursed kind can live in peace.
So that's the story of 71/2.
The clip 7 1/2th Floor Story Part 2 from Being John Malkovich (1999) with John Cusack, John Malkovich
Since the rents are considerably lower, this floor has been adopted by businesses which have been forced to cut corners.
After all, the overhead is low.
Moving story, huh?
Unfortunately, the story's bullshit.
Listen, I'm Craig Schwartz. I'm just starting out at Lestercorp.
Where are you starting out?
Shut up! Shut up!
The clip Tense Relationship from Being John Malkovich (1999) with John Malkovich, Cameron Diaz
Shut up! Shut up!
Hey, shut up!
I'm sorry, honey.
Help! She's locking me in a cage.
Isn't that cute?
I just taught him that today.
Yeah, that's adorable.
You want to do some dishes for me?
Put that down.
Here, Elijah. Here you go.
You know, I have an appointment tomorrow with Elijah's shrink.
I think we're finally getting down to the bottom of this acid stomach, aren't we? Come here.
Get down from the...
She thinks that it's some sort of childhood trauma.
Feelings of inadequacy as a chimp, you know?
Careful. Isn't that interesting?
I find it really interesting.
So, honey, have you thought any more about us having a baby?
I think it's just so tough right now, economically and all that I think maybe we should just wait and see if this job thing pays off.
The clip Flirting At The Office from Being John Malkovich (1999) with John Cusack, Catherine Keener
I was thinking about what you said the other day about the orientation film being bullshit.
I think maybe you're on to something.
And 50 other lines to get in a girl's pants.
No, I was just talking about the film.
Here's the thing.
If you ever got me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me.
I wasn't. I was talking about the film.
What magic those fingers could work on the right cabinet.
Maybe you could alphabetize me.
And don't forget "l" comes before "U."
Floris, I think you're very nice but the truth is that I'm in love with someone else.
I'm afraid I have no idea what you're saying to me.
Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz.
If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
I wasn't toying with her, sir. I wouldn't...
Pardon me. How old are you, sir?
Carrot juice, and lots of it.
I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange.
And I have to piss sitting down like a goddamn girly-girl, every 15 minutes.
But nobody wants to die.
To be a young man again.
Maybe then Floris would care for me.
The elderly have so much to offer. They're our link with history.
I don't wanna be your goddamn link, damn ya.
I want to feel Floris's naked thighs next to mine.
The clip Flirting At The Office Part 2 from Being John Malkovich (1999) with John Cusack
I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful, complex woman.
I want her to shiver with a spasm of ecstasy as I penetrate her wet...
Dr. Lester, while I'm flattered you would share your feelings with me the workplace isn't the most suitable environment for this type of discussion.
You're right. I'll tell you what.
Meet me after work today at Jerry's Juiceteria on Lex and I'll spill my goddamn guts for ya.
The clip Hitting On Maxine from Being John Malkovich (1999) with John Cusack, Catherine Keener
No, I won't be late, Lotte. I just have to, you know listen to Lester's sexual fantasies and drink carrot juice for a while.
It's a job thing, really.
So, I'll talk to you later, okay? Yeah. You, too.
Gotta go back to work. Okay, bye.
Hi. Do you know that I don't even know your name or where you work?
How about this?
If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to have a drink with me tonight.
You look like a Bar Ru Bell Carol Ta, Cher Susan Emily Marlar Maxine. Maxine?
Yeah! Who told you?
Nobody told me. That just came out. Isn't that odd?
So where do you live and stuff?
I am dubious but I don't welsh.
Okay, meet me at The Stuck Pig, 7:00.
If you're late, I walk.
The clip Juice with Dr. Lester from Being John Malkovich (1999) with Orson Bean, John Cusack
Wet with desire. Me in leather.
A harness, if you like.
And all eyes, Craig, are upon me as I speak.
"Ladies," I begin.
"I am the love god Eros." They like that.
"I intoxicate you.
"My spunk is, to you, manna from heaven."
Dr. Lester, this is all really fascinating and stuff but I gotta get back home to my wife.
You have a wife. I'd like to meet her.
Shall we say dinner Thursday?
You can come, too, if you like.
Get that? That was a joke. You hear what I said? You can come, too.
That was a good one.
All right. Thank you.