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2:00
The clip the book launch from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth Ladies and gentlemen... welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... "The Greatest Book of Our Time"... and here to introduce it is Mr. Tits Pervert. Ooh, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert. OK, circulate, oozing intelligence. Ignore Daniel, and be fabulous with everyone else. I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here. Ooh. It's like a whole theory of short fiction... and of the novella, you know? And, of course, the problem... with Martin's definition of the novella... is that it really only applies to him. That doesn't sound like Martin. Not. I could be wrong. What do you think? Uh... do you know... where the toilets are, huh? Stay calm. Can't get any worse. What are you doing here? I've been asking myself the same question. I came with a colleague. So how are you? Well, apart from being very disappointed... not to see my favorite reindeer jumper again... I'm well. Anyone going to introduce me? Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua. Ha. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick... with a cruel-raced ex-wife. Perpetua's a fat-ass old bag... who spends her time bossing me around. Maybe not. Anyone going to introduce me? Ah, Perpetua. Uh, this is Mark Darcy. Mark's a top barrister. Oh, he comes from Garth and Underwood. Perpetua is one of my work colleagues. Why, Mark, I know you by reputation, of course. Ah, Natasha. This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law.
14 Nov 2011
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0:46
The clip the book launch Part 2 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Colin Firth, Renée Zellweger Bridget works in publishing... and used to play naked in my paddling pool. How odd. Ha ha. Perpetua, how's the house hunt going? Disaster. I oughtn't go into it with you. By the by, that man is gorgeous. Ah, yes, Mark. Just give me time. Give me time. "You've written a searing vision-" Can you remember the rest of this? "Of the wounds our century... "has inflicted on traditional masculinity. "Positively Vonnegut-esgue. " Obviously. Listen, you don't know where the loos are here, do you? Uh, yes. In the hallway. Thanks.
14 Nov 2011
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2:00
The clip Bridget's diary from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, James Callis We're freezing our bollocks off out here! Yeah. Just the keys. I'm stuck! Oh! Come the fuck on, Bridget. Close the door. Bridget? Stop being so bossy. What are you doing here? I just wanted to know if you were available... for bar mitzvahs and christenings... as well as ruby weddings. Excellent speech. I thought that you were in America. Well, yes, I was, but, um... I realized I'd forgotten something back home. Which was? Well, I realized I'd forgotten to, um... kiss you good-bye. Do you mind? Um... not really, no. So... you're not going to America, then? No. No. Not. Oh, oh. You're staying here? So it would seem. Aah! Go, Bridget! Friends of yours? No. I've never seen them before in my life. Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not? Not. No fucking room anyway. No. Maybe we should just go upstairs for a minute. Yes. Very good idea. No. Come on, let's go. No. Of course she's not coming. Close it down. Uh... give me just a minute. Um... keep yourself busy. Read something. Lots of very high-quality magazines... with helpful fashion and romance tips. I'll be right with you.
14 Nov 2011
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2:00
The clip Bridget's diary Part 2 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth Definitely an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers. Right. Right. Mark? Mark! Oh. Oh, shit. Double shit. Bollocks! Oh, God. Ooh! Wish me luck! Good luck, crazy girl! Ain't no mountain high enough Oh, ho Ain't no valley low enough Ooh Ain't no river wide enough Oh To keep me from you Ain't no mountain high enough Ow, ain't no valley low enough
14 Nov 2011
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1:16
The clip Bridget's diary Part 3 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth Say it again, ain't no river wide enough Hey, to keep me from you Ain't no mountain high enough Nothing can keep me Mark? Keep me from you Mark! Oh, damn. Ain't no mountain high enough No, ain't no valley low enough I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I mean, I meant it... but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant. Oh, for Christ's sakes. It's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are just full of crap. I know that. I was just buying you a new one. Time to make a new start, perhaps.
14 Nov 2011
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1:16
The clip Bridget's diary Part 4 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth I've been searchin' a long time For someone exactly like you I've been travelling all around the world Waitin' for you To come through Someone like you Will make it all worth while Wait a minute. Nice boys don't kiss like that. Oh, yes, they fucking do. Keep me satisfied Someone exactly like you Someone exactly like you Someone exactly like you The best is yet to come The best is yet to come
14 Nov 2011
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2:00
The clip Rushing to a wedding announcement Part 2 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Colin Firth, Renée Zellweger So. Hello, Bridget. Didn't know you were coming. Mark, your father wants to begin A.S.A.P. Oh, does he? Right. Well, uh... Come on, Mark. Be helpful, please. The caterers have totally screwed up. Does nothing work outside of London? Hmm? Apparently not. Well, I'd better... Listen, uh... I owe you an apology about Daniel. He said that you ran off with his fiancee... and left him broken hearted, he said. Ah. No, it was the other way around. It was my wife... my heart. Sorry. That's why you always acted so strangely around him... and beat him to a pulp, quite rightly. Well done. Well, um... Can we just, um... pop out there... for a moment? Quite delightful, isn't it, my dear? OK. I just have something that I want to say. Um... You once said that you liked me just as I am... and I just wanted to say... like wise. I mean... there are stupid things your mum buys you. Tonight's another classic. You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing... in every situation. And I seriously believe that you should... rethink the length of your side burns. But you're a nice man... and... I like you.
14 Nov 2011
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1:22
The clip Rushing to a wedding announcement Part 3 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth So if you wanted to pop by sometime... that might be nice. More than nice. Right. Crikey. Ladies and gentlemen... could I have your attention for a moment, please? Excuse me. Of course. ...wife and companion Geraldine. A toast to her, my-my wonderful wife Geraldine. To Geraldine. And we, in turn... have been blessed with our son, Mark. He's always made us proud... and we couldn't be prouder of him... than on this particular day... because I'm thrilled to announce... he has just been invited to be a senior partner... in the firm of Abbott and Abbott in New York. He also, incidentally... takes with him his brilliant partner in law... Natasha. And, well, I don't think they'll mind... since we're amongst friends... if I say that someday this remarkably clever girl... is going to be something-else-in-law as well.
14 Nov 2011
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1:22
The clip Rushing to a wedding announcement Part 4 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger I begged him not to say anything. So I ask you now... to charge your glasses once again... to Mark and his Natasha. To Mark and his Natasha. No! No! It's just that... it's such a terrible pity... f for England... to lose... such a great legal brain. Is she pissed? What? F for the people of England... I like me and you... to lose one of our top people. Uh... just top person, really. Ahem. Well... better dash. I've got another party to go to. It's single people. Mainly... poofs. Bye.
14 Nov 2011
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1:50
The clip Catching Daniel cheating from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger Hi. I really, really wanted to see a friendly face. Oh, now, listen, I'll tell you what. I have an idea. Let me finish this... while you go home, have a long hot bath... and I'll call round, and we'll have dinner later, OK? Is there someone here? Not that I'm aware of. Unless that Bosnian family has moved in again. Bastards. Oh. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm going mad. Listen, I am feeling really bad, actually. I should've been there today. No, I'm sorry. No, no, I'm sorry... but at least I got a hell of a lot of work done. Just give me one more hour, OK? Fine. That's fine. I will go home and de-bunny. Oh... and you know last night when I said that I loved you? Mm-hmm. I didn't mean it. I was being ironic. Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know. All right. Thank you, madam. Mmm. Bridge. Bridget.
14 Nov 2011
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0:30
The clip Catching Daniel cheating Part 2 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Lisa Barbuscia This is Lara from the New York office. Lara, this is Bridget. Hey, there. I thought you said she was thin.
14 Nov 2011
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0:59
The clip Why do you want to work in television? from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Rhydian Jai-Persad Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed... to communicating to the public... the up-to-the-moment and in-depth news... both political and ecological. What do you think of the El Ni�o phenomenon? Um... it's ab lip. I think, basically, Latin music is on its way out. So, why do you want to work in television? Because I'm passionately committed... to communicating with children. They are the future. Do you have any children of your own? Oh, Christ, no. Yuck! Ah. Sorry. So, why do you want to work in television? I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss. Fair enough. Start on Monday. We'll see how we go. Oh, and... incidentally... at "Sit Up, Britain"... no one ever gets sacked for shagging the boss. That's a matter of principle.
14 Nov 2011
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1:50
The clip Bridget quits her job from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger Oh, Bridget. Come on, it's... I mean, I know it's been awkward as ass... but there's no need to leave. No, actually, there is. I've been offered a job in television. Television? Mmm. And they want me to start straight away. So I've got to leave in about, ooh, three minutes... so, um... Whoa. Just hold it right there, Miss Jones. I'm sorry to inform you... but I think you'll find that by contract... you're expected to give at least six weeks notice. Ah, yes, well... I thought with the company being in so much trouble and all... you wouldn't really miss... the person who waltzes in in a see-through top... and fannies about with the press releases. Bridget. I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch... I'm going to fire her bony little bottom anyway... for being totally spineless. What? Well, I just think you should know that, um... there are lots of prospects here for a talented person. Just give me a minute, will you, Simon? Thanks. Right-o, boss man. Lots of prospects for a person who... you know, perhaps for personal reasons... has been slightly overlooked professionally. Thank you, Daniel. That is very good to know... but if staying here... means working within 10 yards of you... frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's ass. R E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R E-S-P-E-C-T Takin' care of T.C.B Sock it to me, sock it to me Well, bye, everyone. Just a little bit I get tired But keep on tryin' You're runnin' out of fools Oh, just sod off. Hello and welcome to "Sit Up, Britain. "
14 Nov 2011
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2:00
The clip Cooking with Mr Darcy from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Gemma Jones Ecstatically astounded Got a girl who can really use her brain I feel surrounded, confounded Emotionally dumbfounded Oh, joy. I am broadcasting genius. Celebrating by cooking birthday feast for close friends. Have sneaking suspicion... am also something of a genius in the kitchen as well. Tie flavor-enhancing leek and celery together with string. Right. String. String, string, string. Perfect. I don't think so Finely slice oranges and grate zest. Why don't you leave it there? I feel fantastic, bombastic, ecstatic... Aah! Oh, bugger! Oh, bugger, bugger! I feel surrounded, confounded Emotionally dumbfounded Where the fuck is the fucking tuna? Oh, this is Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... searching for tuna. Bridget Jones. Hello, darling. Hi, Mum. I just wanted a bit of a chat. Ouch! Careful, you ham-fisted cunt! The thing is, darling, I'm- Between you and me, I'm not entirely sure... that Julian isn't a bit of a shit. Yes, well, you know, Mum... I haven't really got time right now. Oh, I... I can't deny the sex is still very surprising. You know, the other night, quite unexpectedly... I was just dozing off, and I felt this huge- Bye, Mum. Ecch. Oh. Who can be calling now? Oh. The door was open. I came to congratulate... the new face of British current affairs. Huh. But I see I may have come at a bad time.
14 Nov 2011
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1:10
The clip Cooking with Mr Darcy Part 2 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth How's it look? Great. It's, um... blue. Blue? No, but blue is good. If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food. Oh, shit. It must've been the string. Oh, it's string soup? Oh, God. They're going to be here any minute. Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to see you... and not orange parfait in sugar cages. Have a drink. Yes. Happy birthday. Thank you. Did I really run round your lawn naked? Oh, yes. You were four, and I was eight. Well, that's a pretty big age difference. It's quite pervy, really. Yes, I like to think so. What are we going to do about this dinner, then? We can have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and... well, for main course, we have... uh, congealed green gunge.
14 Nov 2011
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1:09
The clip Cooking with Mr Darcy Part 3 from Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) with Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth That is caper berry gravy. Oh, yes. Yeah. Do you have eggs? Yes. Right. Omelette it is, then. Ah. With caper berry gravy. You wouldn't by any chance have any beet root cubes? A mini-gherkin, stuffed olive? No, Pam, and besides, I'm busy. The gravy needs sieving. Surely not. Just stir it, Una. In the dark I can hear Happy, happy birthday! Hey, TV queen. Hey, Bridge, you looked fantastic. Hello. Are you joining us? Yeah. Yeah, of course. What did you say? It's OK Mmm, mmm Did you miss me?
14 Nov 2011
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