The clip hitting on a stranger from Dirty Love (2005) with Jenny McCarthy, Kam Heskin
What the hell are you doing?
Hot Bacon. Three o'clock.
That's not Bacon. That's Porter House.
Oh, no! He's wearing sneakers!
You can have him.
I'm not going near that world.
It's gonna be a very long time before Rebecca goes searching for another dick.
The best medicine is to get back out there.
There's nothing wrong with a little gratuitous sex to help mend the pain.
Remember the last time we were all single?
We had sex with everyone.
Carrie, Brad Pitt's throbbing cock couldn't help me right now.
Nothing in the world could heal this pain that I'm go...
Do you remember how jealous Richard would get when any guy would go near me?
Can I help you?
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Yeah. He would go ape shit.
So, I show up at Richard's fashion show tonight with another guy.
He sees me mauling him and his insides
will get eaten up almost as bad as mine did.
It's the best revenge revenge! How do I look?
Like a summer flower that got rained and stung by a bee.
Go, go, go!
I was just sitting over there with my friend
and saw that you were kinda staring at... me?
The clip hitting on a stranger Part 2 from Dirty Love (2005)
Yeah, I was staring at you.
What do you do for lunch?
Nothing? Do you like Chinese?
Chicken chow mein, mu shu pork, you know.
You know, if you don't like Chinese, we could always just...
No, no. U hm, what are you doing tonight?
Do you wanna go to this fashion show with me?
Sweetheart, do you have your Gold card?
I seem to have left mine at home. Who's this?
Oh, I don't know. It's just some bimbo hitting on me?
The clip freaking out from Dirty Love (2005) with Jenny McCarthy
Love is so great that it's almost unreal.
I feel bad for the people who can't find it.
We've all met those types who try to convince their coworkers that they're fine without it.
Then you take a look at their cubicle
and see heart-shaped frames all over their desk
with pictures of their three-legged cat named Bob.
Not me! Not anymore.
I've paid my dues.
Old people always say: "When you meet the one you'll know. "
When I met Richard,
It felt like...
It felt like the butterflies in my belly dusted off their cobwebs
and started fluttering again.
He was the one, my only one.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
The clip freaking out Part 2 from Dirty Love (2005) with Jenny McCarthy
No, no! I don't get it!
Are you guys hiring?
Because no one cares about love anymore,
so why don't you just have sex and get paid for it, you know?
Oh, come on! Who cares if my vagina falls off from all the diseases out there?
I'll take some open sores.
Ooooh! Do you want some of this?
Come on! I got what it takes.
Oh, my God!
I cannot get last night out of my head!
Richard, Richard and that little...
Wait, what was her name?
Oh, yeah. Whore.
Hi, baby. I'm home!
They paid me 200 bucks to take a picture of a pink poodle.
Richard? Is this mu shu still good?
Because we got it Tuesday and there's pork in it,
I'm gonna... get...
The clip freaking out Part 3 from Dirty Love (2005) with Kathy Griffin
I've been waiting. Sit down!
Come on, sit down. Give me your hands.
You are such a lost soul.
You're in pain. Someone hurt you.
Someone ripped your heart out and tried to play badminton with it.
This man who hurt you, he's a dark spirit.
I see blackness all around him!
I see a white pony. He stands alone.
His spirit is very bright.
He runs towards you and, and...
Oh, you turn away. I hate that part!
Why do I turn away?
Because you have to learn the lessons
before you can ride the white pony.
Can't be a white stallion or somethin'?
No. It's the white pony that you will ride into the sunset.
Only then can you have the happy ending you desire.
But first you have to believe
and you have to learn the lessons that come before.
Lessons? What kind of lessons?
Your own spirit not that bright yet.
It needs its roots but you're close.
First though you must go through more pain
before your heart can find true happiness.
That just sucks!
It only gets worse.
You gotta be kidding me!
What do I look like? A comedian?
If you don't pay attention,
The clip freaking out Part 4 from Dirty Love (2005) with Kam Heskin, Jenny McCarthy
if you don't listen to your inner psychic voice,
if you choose the wrong paths and the wrong situations,
if you think you can just do it all on your own,
if you ignore the signs,
love will never find its way into your heart.
You'll live a lonely, desperate, isolated,
I would not wanna be you.
Hi, Carrie. It's Rebecca.
I never realized how beautiful it is in the morning.
smell of ass on Hollywood Boulevard.
Hey, you wanna start jogging?
Let's jog I
Are you on crack, Rebecca? I'm not jogging!
Have you seen my boobs lately?
Yeah, they're pretty.
Of course they are! And you know why?
Because I don't fucking jog!
Besides, I have my Animal Kingdom audition in a couple of hours.
Wanna go shopping?
The clip period accident from Dirty Love (2005)
What's for dinner?
We've got a special on ground chuck today, ladies.
You can't go wrong with meat.
Hello. Please, please hurry up. It's an emergency.
This is an emergency, too, sweetheart.
We're gonna clean up on aisle two.
Herb, we're gonna clean up on aisle two.
Oh, help. I've fallen!
Oh, and I'm bleeding! Oh, no!
The clip period accident Part 2 from Dirty Love (2005) with Jenna Hagel
Herb, we're gonna clean up.
Herb, we're gonna clean up.
No. Thanks, Herb, I've got it covered!
When they were in the bag, they were $1. 99.
Well, I can't ring them up unless they're in the bag.
There's no bag. This is all that's left, okay?
I already told you if they're not in the bag, I can't ring them up.
Listen, sweetheart, we're both girls, okay?
Just give me a break.
The longer I stand here, the more Herb's gonna have to clean up.
Well, that seems to be your problem, not mine.
Herb, we got a price check, please, on the super size maxi pads
for the woman who keeps bleeding all over the store.
Come back here. Come back here!
Gonna get you, lady.
Hey, Beck. How is it going? What have you got there?
The clip bizzare sex from Dirty Love (2005) with Eddie Kaye Thomas
Please, take a chance for once.
Are you by chance my future?
Yes, I believe I am.
What do you think? Shall I go for it?
Alright. Wish me luck.
What's your name?
Can I have one "I'm a complete dumb ass pussy" sundae, please?
Are you sure this is ecstasy?
Definitely. Without a doubt.
It's even mildly laced with acid.
Do you like to experiment sexually?
What do you mean?
You know... try new things.
Not, not really.
I can't wait to teach you.
The clip the fashion show from Dirty Love (2005)
Why, why, why why?
The least you could do is thank me!
We have dates!
Yeah, with two guys that are one chromosome away from being Woody Allen.
Woody is hot and you know it.
Remember in White men can't jump when they were playing basketball?
And he took off his shirt
and he looked all golden like the sunset rising up...
What are you talking about? I said Woody Allen!
Ooh! Who is he?
Listen to me, Crissy Snow,
if Richard gets one good look at this mug I'm with,
he'll piss in his pants.
No jealousy, my friend. Just laughter.
I figured it out for you, Janet Woods.
When Richard comes down that catwalk, I'm gonna shout out to him.
When he looks down you grab Milo
and you put his head between your breasts.
He won't see that mug, just a man nestling in your bosoms.
I'm going, okay?
I don't understand why we gotta be running this shit?
Because Beck left a note that said, "Save me, it's an emergency.
Love. Annie Hall. "
This shit never be starting on time.
Hold on. Just have to wait. Way too crowded in there.
Wait for someone to come out.
Oh, hell, dodgy, you know who I am?
The small-time crooks are looking more like Cheech and Chong.
Wow! Look at the beautiful shiksas.
Very beautiful shiksas.
So how was I today?
You were great.
Will you be my bubbela?
I can do wonders for you baby. M m-hm.
Is that so?
The clip the fashion show Part 2 from Dirty Love (2005) with Renee Albert
Yeah, that is so. That's right.
I'm gonna make you cry like a little baby right now.
Let me get all up in that shit.
Who thinks you're cute? I do.
You wanna take me home?
Is it 'cause I'm too tall?
I've got a ladder with your name on it!
It's 'cause you think I'm ugly?
It's 'cause you're gay? Oh, impotent?
Is it 'cause you just don't understand the vagina?
I'll be happy to draw a chart.
Carrie, can you just pay attention, alright? 'Cause he's coming down.
The clip getting ready for the date from Dirty Love (2005) with Jenny McCarthy, Joyce Bulifant
"as the fatty acids and fruit enzymes
replenish the nutrients in your skin. "
Hi, how are you?
Tom, is it? I'm Rebecca.
You're a magician, huh? That's cool.
This? Oh, it's syphilis.
I caught it in prison.
Where are you going?
"Remove with one smooth motion. "
U h... uh!
Oh, my God!
One, two... three!
Oh, for crying out loud, Rebecca,
revenge is not the solution.
I'll be fine... I think.
And now you have lost your fiance.
You're not gonna have kids until you're 50I
Ma, we were never engaged!
That is just great to hear.
You have been living with this man for two years!
You need to find a good catholic boy.
What about that nice fellow that works for you?
see? He's even named after one of the disciples.
Ma, I am so not his type.
so, what are you gonna do with your life now?
Shoot up some heroine and become a sex slave.
Oh, for Pete's sakes!
Ma, did you hear that?
Okay. Okay. Okay.
The clip getting ready for the date Part 2 from Dirty Love (2005)
Okay, now I gotta zip.
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
Come on, please!
Okay, okay. Just one more thing.
Just let me button up. I swear to God I'll be good, okay?
Here we go God. One, two, three.
Puff The magic dragon is in the house.
Do you think he can magically make my ass smaller?
Carrie didn't tell me that her jeans were size negative four.
They're baggy on me. Don't let your big ass deter you from your mission.
We want Richard to eat his heart out.
Oh, he will.
Two of hearts.
Oh, my God!
The clip getting ready for the date Part 3 from Dirty Love (2005)
You want a beer?
You are gorgeous.
Oh, isn't that nice?
I'll go put these in invisible water.
Are you ready?
Hey, what's invisible water?
I don't know.
The clip date from Dirty Love (2005) with Jenny McCarthy, Guillermo Díaz
So, Michelle told me you've been having a tough time lately.
Yeah, yeah. But I'd really rather not talk about it.
I'm trying to forget about it for like a whole ten minutes.
I hope I can help.
Me, too. I crave distraction right now.
Really? H uh!
Why don't you look under the table?
U hm... there's a fucking bird under the table.
Why don't you look again?
I swear to God there was a bird a second ago.
U hm... I'm really hungry. Can we maybe call the waiter over here
so we can order some food or I'm going to start gnawing on the tablecloth?
Oh, do you have a headache?
Shhhhhh. I'm psychically calling our waiter.
Are we ready to order?
Would you care to hear the specials?
We have a fettuccine that is out of this world
bathed in white clam sauce.
And we have a fantastic rabbit.
I love rabbit.
I'll have the rabbit. Well done, please.
And a bottle of your best chardonnay.
She'll have salad and a water.
Certainly. Very good.
I hope my rabbit doesn't eat your salad.
The clip date Part 2 from Dirty Love (2005) with Jenny McCarthy
Will you excuse me? I have to use the little girls' room.
Oh, come on.
Where did he get that shirt?
Why do exes look better when they're active?
Why am I talking to myself in the mirror?
Well then shut up.
Why did the blonde jumped off the building?
To see if the maxi pad had wings.
You look even more beautiful.
What? H uh? No, thank you.