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The clip tension over supper from Knocked Up (2007) with Paul Rudd, Katherine Heigl
So you're not even gonna tell them?
No. You know, I don't have to tell them.
It's illegal for them to fire me over it anyway, and I get three months maternity leave if I stay, so I'm just, you know, not gonna tell them.
That's a good plan.
Yeah. I like it.
It is a good plan until her water breaks all over
Robert De Niro's shoes.
'My shoes! Hey, there's all this baby goo on it.'
'These shoes? On these shoes?
'Did you puke on my shoes?'
'Did your water break on my shoes?'
'Did you puke on my shoes?'
Oh, my God.
Isn't it weird, though, when you have a kid and all your dreams and hopes just go right out the window?
What changed for you? What went out the window?
You do everything exactly the same.
No, I mean, I love what I'm doing. Like, say...
Okay, say, you know, before you're married and have children, you wanna go live in India for a year.
You can do it. But you can't do it once you have a family.
I don't wanna go live in India.
Do you want to go to India? Go to India! Seriously, go to India.
What about you? Do you want to go to India?
I'm not going to India. You can go to India.
I get what he's talking about.
You know, honestly, like, when I found out about...
I totally, like, I just had this flash of me, like in a white Ford Bronco, and I'm just hauling ass for Canada, man.
The chopper's taping the whole thing, and I just...
I bust through the border and I'm a free man!
That's all I kept thinking, man.
You know what I'm saying? It was a flash!
Wait. What do you mean? What are you...
Don't look at me.
We can talk about our fears here.
It's not like he did it.
I mean, honestly, like, if Doc Brown screeched up in front of you in the DeLorean.
Open the door, he's like,
'Hey, Allison, Come on. I got the car here. What do you wanna do?'
No part of your brain would have been, like, 'You know, maybe we'll go back
'to that night and I would maybe put a condom on Ben's dick.'
You never got that flash?
And I don't know what you're talking about.
'Where we're going, we don't need roads.'
Exactly. You wouldn't do that?
I don't know who Doc Brown is.
What are you talking about?
Doc Brown is the guy who's Christopher Lloyd.
The clip tension over supper Part 2 from Knocked Up (2007) with Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl
He invented the DeLorean, the time machine.
He's the one who made the time machine.
It's the time machine. Everyone has the time machine image.
Hey. I have a really good idea.
Why don't the two of you get into your time machine, go back in time and fuck each other?
Who needs a time machine?
This is my time machine!
I'm gonna throw you in my DeLorean, gun it to '88.
You are a funny motherfucker, man. Jesus.
How can you fight with him? Look at his face.
I just want to kiss it.
I think he's cute.
I like the way you move.
This is fun! We should do this more, I think.
I mean, this is, like, the most fun I've had in a really long time.
The clip sex while pregnant from Knocked Up (2007) with Katherine Heigl, Seth Rogen
Come on, harder.
I can't do it harder.
Why? Come on. Come on, just do it. Deeper.
I'll poke the baby if I go deeper.
Oh, Come on! Just do it!
Please, don't yell at me, please don't.
What? The doctor and Debbie said it's fine. Come on!
Look, can we... I'm sorry, can we change positions?
I'm gonna crush the baby. I know it.
This is ridiculous! Why are we...
No, it's not.
There's no shell in there, you know?
Millions of people have sex when they're pregnant!
I don't know how it works. It just works, okay? Just do it.
All I'm thinking of is that I'm gonna...
I weigh over 200 pounds.
Just get over it!
I can't do it. Can you just get on top?
All I see is our baby getting poked in the face by my penis.
Trust me, you're not even close.
Come on, fine.
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Okay. Oh, good.
I can't. I can't.
I can't. I can't do this, I just... I can't. I can't.
I can't focus like this.
I look disgusting from this angle. I can feel you looking up at my chins.
I know I look gross.
No, you look beautiful.
Your chin looks so skinny.
And my boobs are all, like, squishy, and they're flopping around.
I can feel it, and it's distracting.
It's all National Geographic.
Okay. Can we do... Do you wanna do doggie style?
No. I do not want you to fuck me like a dog.
I'm not fucking you like a dog. It's doggie style.
It's just the style. It's not...
It's not like a dog. We don't have to go outside or anything.
Here we go. Okay.
Okay, is it good?
Should I go slower?
Yeah, no, that's good.
Just tell me when you're close.
Just go harder.
Oh, my God.
The baby, it kicked my hand.
Well, no, no, it always kicks.
No, no, no. Not like this.
No, it's fine. It's fine. Just keep going.
It was a warning kick. This was a bad kick.
No, no, it's fine. It's fine! It's fine!
Look, my dick must be like an inch away from its face, and it's coming, just coming in at its face.
The clip sex while pregnant Part 2 from Knocked Up (2007) with Katherine Heigl, Seth Rogen
What if it kicked 'cause it didn't like it?
I can't do that to our baby. That's the first thing it's gonna see.
What are you talking about?
It's having the baby between, you know, us, it just makes it weird.
It just freaks me out a bit. It's a little weird.
I have totally lost it.
You've totally lost it?
I've lost it.
Great, you know what? Just forget it.
Okay. Okay, fine.
Don't worry. I won't make you do this again.
The clip proposing to allison from Knocked Up (2007) with Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl
Look, Allison, I'm sure this isn't how you pictured it being, exactly, and it's not how I wanted it to be, but that is why I'm presenting you this empty box.
It's a promise, Allison.
It's a promise that one day I will...
I will fill this box with a ring that you deserve, a beautiful ring.
And I can't afford it yet.
I've picked it out already, though, and it's at De Beers, and it's really nice.
So basically I'm asking you, will you marry me?
Because I'm in love with you.
I love you, too.
Oh, man, that's so nice to hear.
That's the first time a girl's ever said that to me, so...
But here's the thing.
There's a thing?
I don't really know yet what that love means, you know.
Just 'cause it's so new, and it's so exciting that it's great.
I don't know. We've only known each other
17 weeks, so it's...
Honestly, I mean, I thought...
I thought you felt weird that we're having a baby and we're not engaged or anything.
I'm gonna get off my knee.
It's hurting a little bit.
No, I'm okay with that.
You know, we're just doing what we can.
We're making the best of it, and I don't want us to put any more pressure on ourselves than we already have.
Okay. Yeah. That makes perfect sense.
Are you okay? I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No, no, no. Honestly, I just wanted to do right by you, you know?
So if you don't want to, that's totally cool, you know?
I really do love you.
I know. Thanks.
You mentioned that. It's nice.
The clip Ice-cream in bed from Knocked Up (2007) with Katherine Heigl, Leslie Mann
Ben proposed to me.
It was really sweet. I kind of feel a little bit bad about it.
He was, like, wearing this great little button-down.
He tucked his shirt in. He got down on one knee.
It was so sweet.
He didn't have an actual ring, though.
It was just an empty box.
But, you know, he had this whole spiel about when he has the money, he's gonna buy me the ring that I deserve and...
The box was just empty?
I mean, he can't afford a ring, so...
So he got down on one knee and gave you an empty box?
Get over it. It was sweet.
I'm telling you, if you'd been there, you would have probably cried.
You need to train him.
Oprah said that when two people meet, they are forced to point out each other's differences and flaws.
I thought you were supposed to just accept people for who they are, love them anyway.
You criticize them a lot, and then they get so down on themselves that they're forced to change.
Really? You don't think that would just make it worse?
That'd be, like, naggy.
And then in the end, they thank you for it.
You can't commit to him. You can't make a commitment to him.
The clip spying after pete from Knocked Up (2007) with Leslie Mann, Katherine Heigl
You can't commit to him. You can't make a commitment to him.
You don't even know him. I don't even know Pete after 10 years.
I don't know what he's up to.
Why do you say that?
I think he's cheating on me.
He's always going off to these business meetings at odd hours.
And then I try to call him on his cell phone, and he says that he's in bad cell phone reception areas when he's in good cell phone reception areas.
Maybe he's working late.
You know, I mean, maybe he's just working really hard to sign a new great band or something.
I can't imagine Pete doing something like that.
There's no part of you that thinks that maybe he's a dirty little scumbag?
I think he might be.
'Memory Spy, web memory software.
'Locate history files, websites visited,
'hidden downloads, searches, email history. Memory Spy.'
Let's see you hide from me now, little man.
The clip music store talk from Knocked Up (2007) with Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd
Yeah, I mean, she was acting weird, and I really think it's just 'cause, like, you know, I haven't made an honest woman out of her.
She's carrying my bastard child. No one wants that.
That's what I did. I mean, I married Debbie when she got pregnant.
You think she's, like, hiding me?
Like, she's, like, embarrassed by me or something like that?
Probably. I'd hide you.
How much do wedding rings cost?
I mean, it really depends, you know?
I think you're supposed to spend, like, three months' pay on a ring.
That'll be easy. I don't make any money.
Really? I thought there was lot of money in porn.
God, it's not porn, okay?
All we do is we show you what nude scenes are in what movies.
Oh, like Mr. Skin?
Who's Mr. Skin?
Dude, Mr. Skin.
The clip Finding out about Mr. Skin from Knocked Up (2007) with Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill
We've wasted 14 months of our lives.
This is exactly the same as our site.
How the fuck did this happen?
Mr. Skin. That's even a better name than ours!
Fuck me in the beard.
Dude, they got the top 10 group shower scenes!
Why didn't you think of that, Jay?
Don't put this on me!
God damn it!
Well, shit, I saw it online at one point, but I guess
I didn't connect the dots.
What are we gonna do now?
All we need to do is think of a new, better idea that no one else has thought of already.
Oh, dude, Spider-Man 3 starts in eight minutes.
Don't worry, man. We'll figure it out.
You know what?
I think just because this site exists doesn't mean our site won't work, necessarily.
Good things come in pairs, man, you know.
Oh, for sure.
Volcano, Dante's Peak, Deep Impact, Armageddon, right?
Wyatt Earp, Tombstone.
Panda Express, Yoshinoya Beef Bowl.
Exactly. We can work together.
This can help us, if anything, I think.
We're fine. We're golden.
The clip baby products shopping from Knocked Up (2007) with Katherine Heigl, Leslie Mann
Ben knows, but I've sworn him to secrecy.
I'll get it out of him.
Think we'll ever be as happy as Baby Bj?rn couple is?
We are that happy.
Yeah. You look happy.
Which is awesome, 'cause I never like guys like you. It's great.
You keep saying that. I know.
This is it. This is perfect.
Holy shit! It's 1,400 bucks.
We can just borrow yours. Is that okay?
No. You need your own crib.
You know, there's one of these lying in an alley behind my house.
We could just grab that. Just rub Purell all over it.
You know what? Let me buy it.
I need to get you a baby present anyway.
And I would love to get it for you.
I'm serious. I want to.
No. It's too much.
Yes. We'll take it.
Obviously, I mean, don't insult the woman.
She wants to get us a gift.
Wanna buy me some new shoes? What else can I squeeze out of you?
Xbox 360. Xbox 360.
The clip awkward meeting from Knocked Up (2007) with Katherine Heigl, Seth Rogen
So hot in the Valley.
Hey! Oh, Allison! Hi.
How are you?
It's so good to see you.
We've been watching you on E! It's the coolest thing.
Yeah, it's been super exciting, just crazy busy.
I'm so sorry I haven't called.
Oh, it's fine. Hi, I'm Ashley.
This is my friend, Ben.
I went to school with Allison.
Okay, so, is Debbie having another baby?
No. Allison is.
What? I just saw you a couple months ago.
It was a big surprise.
It's actually... It's a really funny story, actually.
If you guys... If you got a second to hear it.
It's not really funny. It's not funny.
Let them be the judge, okay? I think it's funny.
You know they say don't drink and drive?
Don't drink and bone!
The clip Sex offenders arguement from Knocked Up (2007) with Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd
Did you see this sex offender website?
These are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood.
Looks like your computer has chicken pox.
Those are sex offenders.
These people live in our neighborhood.
Well, I'll skip their houses when we're trick-or-treating.
What do you want me to do? Form a posse?
Got your six-shooter on you? I got my lynching rope.
You shouldn't take it so lightly.
I don't take it lightly.
You know, I'm not gonna go over to any of these people's houses and say,
'Hey, do you mind... Can you baby-sit?'
If I didn't care about these things, you wouldn't care about anything.
You're so concerned with stuff, like
'Don't get them vaccinated.
'Don't let them eat fish. There's mercury in the water.'
Jesus, how much Dateline NBC can you watch?
I know we're supposed to be nice with each other right now, but I'm having a really hard time.
I'm struggling with it right now.
What am I doing?
'Cause I want to rip your fucking head off because you're so fucking stupid!
This is scary. These are our children.
You fucking dipshit. God! You...
I literally am at a point where I don't know what I can say.
So I'm the bad guy because I'm trying to protect our kids from child molesters and mercury?
And you're cool 'cause you don't give a shit.
Yeah? Is that it?
God, you're an asshole.
Don't do this in front of Ben.
I don't give a shit about Ben.
It's okay. I didn't think she did, anyway.
Okay, Come on! Let's go.
Oh, I can't go.
This band is doing a showcase out in the Valley. I got to go.
I got to go.
You don't want to know the sex of the baby?
The clip revealing the secret from Knocked Up (2007) with Katherine Heigl
Do they know?
Oh, yeah. The donuts, they call to me.
Hey, Allison. Great job.
You're pregnant, aren't you?
I mean, you've put on like, eight pounds, nine.
It's all in your uterus.
I haven't told them. Do you think they're gonna be mad?
I'm, like, really chickening out about this.
It's okay. We can hide this.
We'll dress you in black, and we'll emphasize your boobs.
I mean, your boobs are gonna be big.
And then they're gonna be, like, scary big.
But then they'll go down. And then they'll stay down.
Just... Just don't say anything, okay?
Please don't say anything.
Oh, no, I won't, I won't. Just tell them. They'll be cool.
Everybody loves somebody pregnant.
The clip playing tennis from Knocked Up (2007) with Jason Segel, Jonah Hill
I have 15 years of tennis lessons.
And 12 years of sucking dick lessons.
I can't ref the next games, by the way.
I got to go meet gynecologists with Allison.
She doesn't like her gynecologist.
You think she likes you?
She's trying to.
She's entertaining the idea of liking you.
Exactly. I'll take that.
Yeah, well, see, she's bringing you to the gynaechiatrist.
She must like you.
Yeah. Pretty good, I think.
You know who I'd like to get pregnant, is that Felicity Huffman, man.
Ever since TransAmerica, I can't get her out of my mind.
Okay, guys. I hate to crack the whip, but it's kind of business meeting time.
I need moolah.
When do you think we can launch this site?
Look, man. You can't rush this.
You know what happens to these sites when they go up and they don't function well? They die.
Seriously, guys, let's say I want to launch today.
Let's start. Let's use that as a jumping off point.
Let's make this happen. What can we do?
Look, man, I didn't go to Yale so I could work
12 hours a day.
I thought you went to Santa Monica City College.
I went where I went, Jason.
I'm not asking you to work 12 hours a day.
I mean, you guys watch movies without nudity in them.
I'll tell you what, man. We could probably get it online in three months.
Thank you. Yes! Three months.
Come on, Jason!
Yeah, well, you still have a little dick, Cartman.
The clip choosing gynecologists Part 2 from Knocked Up (2007) with Katherine Heigl, Seth Rogen
We have three other doctors in the practice, but I'm your man, okay?
I don't take vacations. I hate Hawaii.
I went to the Caribbean when I was 14, and I'm never going back.
I feel really good about this. I think we found our doctor.
Are you serious right now?
You look relieved.
I am very relieved.
I can't imagine meeting any more of you people.
You're being dramatic. We didn't meet that many.