How to Wash Windows Like a Pro

Did you know that there are world class window-cleaning conventions where people compete in speed trials to see who can squeegee a window fastest? They're clocking under 30 seconds for a big store window. Sweet.

If you're like most of us, you're using Window Washing Option A from the list below. If you're a hot-dogger, you might find yourself in the Option C category.

Option A
Some people use paper towels, ammonia-based cleaners and an old-fashioned lubricant called ‘elbow-grease’. However, rubbing a window with paper towels puts a static charge on the glass and then it’s dirty again as soon as you’re finished. Where does this register on the Handyperson’s Emotional Scale? Somewhere around “Just shoot me”.

Option B
You can pay a professional window-washing company to make your glass sparkly. Attractive young men with rippling musculature will swarm over your home for several hours. It may be worth it, especially if you live with your mother-in-law and she needs entertaining. Encourage her to pass snacks to the young men and yell, “Nice glass!”

Option C
Refuse to give those window-washing fellows all of the arm-sculpting opportunities. Invest about $40 and set yourself up for a lifetime of fun and deltoids that are perfectly al dente.