John McCain & the Keating 5: "Getting All This Money"

John McCain was quoted on January 30, 2008 saying: "I'll rely on people to judge me by the company I keep".

OK John. Let's do that, because frankly, I don't think America knows who you and Cindy really are...

You are a man born with a silver spoon in your mouth, John McCain.

Your grandfather and father were Navy Admirals, you attended an elite Episcopalian high school and then went on to graduate 5th from the bottom of your class - 894 out of 899 students.

894 out of 899. That makes you Dumber than Bush. But no problem, because the Navy trained the dumbest person in your class - you - to be an airplane pilot.

I wonder how many times that has happened in Naval history? You are Elite, John McCain. Elite. That's what life is like for the Elite. You are Elite John. You attended the best schools. The shoes you wear cost 500 dollars.

(My shoes cost 20 dollars John. Let's see, for 500 dollars I can get 24 pairs of shoes and half a tankful of gas)

You get things handed to you on a silver plate, regardless of whether you deserve it or not.

You crashed 5 airplanes in your Navy career.

You were a POW, locked up in a cell, tortured, abused, mistreated, subjected to psychological warfare, and when you were released, America gave you a hero's welcome.

You are special John. You are elite.

You divorced the wife who was waiting for you all those long, lonely, cold, terrifying years you were a POW.

She suffered your death a million times in her dreams, and you rewarded Carol, your loyal and faithful wife, by divorcing her as soon as you met Cindy, but no one blames you John.

Carol, your first wife, was on crutches, disfigured from a horrible accident, 5 inches shorter, fat and just not the woman you had envisioned on all those long, lonely nights without female company.

No one blames you John, not even Carol herself.

She understood you were trying to make up for lost time, wanted to be wild, crazy and free again, and so you dumped her. You dumped Carol and your adopted children.

You married Cindy, rich, elite, beer heiress, even before you had divorced Carol, but you weren't a bigamist for very long, and of course, you finally did do the divorce paperwork.

Your POW buddy Bud Day, a lawyer, took care of getting you a good divorce.

You were magnanimous in divorce, paying Carol's medical bills for life.

It's the least thing a guy who's just married a millionaire beer heiress can do, right?

But John, Christians don't have two wives at the same time, that's what Muslims do.

You aren't a Muslim are you John?

A bigamist yes, but that's OK for Episcopalians isn't it, John?

I ask because I haven't known a lot of Episcopalians, I'm Christian.

Do Episcopalians, oops, I forgot, you are a Baptist, you're not Episcopalian anymore.

At least that's what you told the people when you campaigned in South Carolina. You said you were a Baptist.

But then when you were mixed up with that Reverend Hagee fellow, the one who preaches that Hitler was a Hunter sent by God, the same Reverend Hagee that your Jewish pal Joe Lieberman has called "Moses", yes, that's Reverend "Moses"-Hitler-was-a-Hunter-Hagee, well, you got me confused when you were endorsed by Reverend Hagee.

Were you a Catholic, no, that's not possible, because Reverend Hagee called the Catholic Church the "Great Whore", so you were a Zionist, or something like that, right?

Forget it John. If you believe in God, just remember, the God of us Christians only lets us have one wife at a time, not two or three, that's what Muslims do, and I know how much you really dislike all Muslims, especially that Muslim fellow Osama-oops-Obama(sorry about that, I am supposed to say that Obama is a Muslim so that ignorant people who don't check facts will vote for you because Osama is a (oops O-B-A-M-A) Muslim...

Baptist. Baptist? Have you been baptised John? You see, Baptists believe you gotta be baptised, that's what seals the deal, just talking about God and faith isn't enough...

Since you are not getting any younger, any day you could have a stroke, or a heart attack, or cancer on your face, and without being baptised you won't get into Heaven.

Baptists only have Heaven and Hell, so John, if you don't get into Heaven, guess where your soul will end up for eternity?

Eternity is a long time John. If you are a Baptist, get baptised...