Craig Anton - You Know What I Hate!?

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Uploaded on December 10, 2008 by NaTaS777

Craig Anton's Stand up from MadTV

Original Airdate: 11.02.96

Craig Anton .... Himself


(Comedian Craig Anton walks onto the stage, looking angrily and wearing only a towel.)

Craig: You know what I hate?

Audience: What?

Craig: When I drop my toothbrush near the toilet! Yeah! You know what I hate?

Audience: What?

Craig: Using it after I drop it by the toilet! Yeah! You know what I hate?

Audience: What?

Craig: When I get that little hangnail, that little piece of skin. I pull it, and I pull, and I pull...that little piece of skin past my ribcage! Yeah! You know what I hate?

Audience: What?

Craig: Hootie! I hate that guy! Hootie I hate, but I love the Blowfish. I love them! What are you doing with that Hootie guy? Get away from him! Run little blowfish, run! You know what I hate?

Audience: What?

Craig: Country music! Yeah! I dunno what country thats from but it sure as hell isnt mine! Id like to get em on a bus and...put em in the bus and take them down to the equator, you know, put hats on em and then ...put em right out there and put honey on their hats and let the national guard of equator...land come out and just put their hands in vices so they have that little twangy drawl, that... gggyyeeeeaaaaa....Yeah!

(Someone on the set hands Craig a drink and he takes a sip.)

Craig: Thank you. You know what I hate?

Audience: What?

Craig: When my underwear goes way, way, way, way up my butt! No wait, I like that. You know what I love?

Audience: What?

Craig: Spring in Minnesota! Oh, when the snow melts, and theres money and gold on the ground, or maybe Grandma after she ran away at Christmas time. But you know what I hate?

Audience: What?

Craig: That guy on TV. You know that guy whos always on TV, always going...on the TV, eeeee-eee-eee, hes got that thing, ee-eee-eee on TV...I hate that guy! You know what I love?

Audience: What?

Craig: Halloween! Theres nothing quite like the look on a little kids face after he takes a bite out of a caramel covered onion! Yeah! You know what scares me?

Audience: What?

Craig: Vans with no windows! You know what I love?

Audience: What?

Craig: Kitten pie! Haha... Did I say kitten pie? I meant pecan pie. Pecan... You know what I hate?

Audience: What?

Craig: When somebody says something to you and you cant think of something to say back to em. Like that one time I saw the guy from TV, with the thing, you know, and hes talking to me, and he says something to me and so I couldnt...but I got something to say now. Shut up stupid!! Yeah!!

(The camera slowly zooms in on his face.)

Craig: Thats it.

Tags:
Crain Anton, MADtv, Funny, Stand-up, Hilarious, MadTv, Comedy
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