Yo Comments Are Whack!

Herein Alexandra and Lizz throw down some rhymez in response to the phenomenon of YouTube haters and their whack comments. (Adapted from "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot.)

**DISCLAIMER: A number of people have pointed out that not all thirteen-year-olds use incorrect spelling and grammar. This is a fair point, and we'd like to note that we are, indeed, well aware that a number of thirteen-year-olds are highly articulate. It was the best we could come up with as a rhyme, unfortunately, so we kept it in there, although it is the one lyric with which we are less than happy. We have no more desire to hate on thirteen-year-olds than we do on epileptic porcupines (apologies in advance to any of those who might be watching this video, as well). Also, as OrsoIclaim so insightfully points out in the comments, such statements might seem to imply that "if you're 13, you're ALLOWED to talk lyke dis." Allow us to formally state that we by no means sanction the use of improper spelling and grammar among people of any age. Thanks! **

Lyrics:

Oh, my God. Lizz, look at this Youtube comment. It is so grammatically incorrect.

It looks like it was written by an epileptic porcupine who speaks English as a third language.

Yeah, but, you know, who understands those YouTube haters' comments anyway?

They only spend hours derogatively responding to other people's videos because they lack the creative capacity to produce compelling and entertaining video content of their own. I mean, their insults, they're just so...

Lame?

We like proper English and we cannot lie
You YouTubers can't deny
That when illiterate kids start hating on your vids
With ignorant crass replies
You're ashamed, of your fellow man
'Cause you realize they don't understand
Basic principles of writing
Plus their insults are unexciting
Oh baby, we wanna go meet 'em
And try to teach 'em
Some basic diction and grammar
Or smash their heads in with a hammer!

First of all, punctuation
That's a very good place to start
Just use some, use some
'Cause otherwise it's a run-on!
We've seen whole comments,
57-word comments,
without a period, comma,
or semicolon to be seen
We're tired of starin' at the screen,
Tryin' to figure out what you mean.
Take a couple seconds to end your sentence,
So you won't sound thirteen.
So haters! (Yeah) Haters! (Yeah!)
Do your comments need translators? (Yeah!)
Then punctuate. Capitalize.
It makes a difference, guys!
Yo comments are whack.

You like to swear and curse
And use hateful words
You just can't help yourself, you have to take your feelings out
On innocent people.
Every other word
Is (booop), maybe or, (booop booop).
We're not looking for Dr. Seuss
Just cut back on the harsh abuse.
You always seem like you're screamin'
So please turn off your capslock
Gotta tone it down,
Only capitalize proper nouns.
So I'm lookin at Top Videos,
Is that comment talking bout "hose"?
If you're gonna insult me
At least spell it correctly.

A word to the comment spammers, what are you thinking?
I don't want you linkin'
To your porno site. in my video about Twilight
And Breaking Dawn.
(Edward's got it goin' on)
But to get back to our song
U like 2 type numbers and letters
And we r not sure y
And for some strange reason
You pluralize by adding z's on.
So haters! (Yeah?) Haters! (Yeah?)
You think I should get a life? (Hell Yeah!)
Well, what about you? You're spending your time
Watching my supposedly lame video and commenting on it and stuff
Yo comments are whack!

"dood u look liek a emo punk b**** seriusly i want my 4 min back later youtube im out ~johnny"

"wtf r u some kind of gay hobo the best you can do is stick ur head in a toilet u lame dork nurd"

So you're clearly homophobic, throwin' words like "queer" and "faggot,"
Or else you refer to racial slurs, regardless
Of whether they apply in con-
Text or make sense at all
You can operate a computer
But you don't know how to spell
I know some words are tricky
Like "what" and "our" and "know"
You could make some flashcards
It's really not that hard
Plus you're callin' people fat
And we ain't down with that
'Cuz you're hiding behind your username
Like it's some kinda game.

To the You Tube Haters and Slammers
Just listen to one last thing
While we still have your attention
We've got one more thing to mention.
Sometimes "Your" is possessive,
But other times it means You Are.
Put apostrophes when you need em,
And otherwise just delete em.
So haters if you're too confused
About which form of "their" to use
Go to sistersalad's YouTube page
And learn some ways to make
Yo comments less whack

Yo comments are whack

Think you're bein' clever but yo comments are whack

Can't even understand you 'cuz yo comments are whack

Tryin' to be funny but yo comments are whack

Looking like a hack 'cuz yo comments are whack