"You Are What You Eat" The "Is It True?" Series Episode Twe...

Welcome to Honor Your Truth

The “Is It True?” Series Episode Twenty-Four

“You are what you eat”

I don’t remember when it was I became a vegetarian, but I know I was kinda young. Where in the world I came up with the idea, I’ll never know. It wasn’t “the rage” amongst my friends. My mom made the stereotypical “mom type” meals of the 60& the 70’s, like meatloaf, hamburger helper and the classic “Sloppy Joe”. She was an excellent cook, so it wasn’t at all some kind of self preservation tactic. It took some sheer command of determination and will. I do remember the feeling of saying “no”. I remember making the announcement. My mom looked at me and rolled her eyes. She was more than mad, she was exhausted by me. I took a can of Dr. Pepper that was in front of me and slammed it down on the table in defiance. It felt as if I was acting out a scene in a play. I can almost see it now in slow motion. When I subsequently opened the can (duh), it exploded like a giant geyser out from beneath the kitchen table. I spent the dinner hour scrubbing the ceiling…….my newfound vegetarianism forgotten, though it was not my intention.

I believe I felt some kind of control in an otherwise out of control situation. It gave me a sense of power to cut things out of my diet. It mattered less to me what it was, but that it was gone. It was like letting go of an old pair of shoes and getting some new ones. I felt a spring in my step, a chuckle in my heart. I had a new best friend. I wish I could say that my reason was a more admirable one, but it wasn’t. It grew and changed over the years, but at the time of inception, it was purely a “control issue”. Growing up in a family that was so chaotic, I never knew what to expect. I had no idea that the food I was eating and the unmanageability in my family were in any way related, but it makes total sense to me now. It helped me feel safe….like I could take care of myself…..and that I had some kind of power over what was happening to me. All illusion of course, but it was the only survival mechanism I felt I had at the time.

I really wasn’t aware that I was “surviving” back then. I thought my family was “normal”. Something was wrong with me. I wasn’t handling what others seemed to breeze right through…….family dinner time. I remember the relief I felt, when for one reason or another, we watched the Dick Van Dyke show instead. It was a good day. God Bless the TV dinner. My mom was always foggily drunk and angry. My dad was always late. We waited for him….and waited…..and waited. The tension in the air was so thick you couldn’t even cut it with a huge knife. Our house was a cross between being vacant and overcrowded. The best you could hope for was to have little or no impact on the dinner hour. If I didn’t eat anything at all, could I disappear? Could I navigate my way in and out of the kitchen unnoticed? I vacillated between wearing my dietary status on my sleeve and keeping it hidden like a secret ninja power…..like a bionic bat girl….who could handle anything.

I do eat meat now, but that’s another story. I don’t have to broadcast this news, nor do I need to keep it a secret. The power, for me, is in the choice, not in how it affects people. I do consider how my choices may affect people, but they don’t give me power over them. I cannot control what they may or may not do. Some people won’t like me, even though I don’t like that. They will leave me. Disappoint me. No matter what I do. People can change their mind. I can change my mind. I reserve the right to change my mind…..again…..and I might, as I Honor My Truth, one day at a time.

Debra Hadraba
Honor Your Truth
Inspiration+Action