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LeBron James quits the NBA (Uncyclopedia):
In light of the shortened NBA season and player salary cuts, professional megalomaniac and occasional basketball player Lebron James has quit the Miami Heat in order to create a basketball league of his own. The new league, called the the LBA (LebronJames Basketball Association), is similar to the NBA except that Lebron James is the only player in the league. Instead of the typical 5 on 5 matchups usually seen in pro basketball, "games" in the LBA will feature Lebron running aimlessly around the court, dunking, shooting trick shots, and occasionally cracking jokes with the audience. Lebron James is the commissioner of the new league, as well as the head coach and starting guard of the league's only team, the Lebron James Lebrons. It is also rumored that Dwayne Wade will provide color commentary for all LBA games.
NBA analysts were unsure whether or not Lebron would stick with the Heat until he announced his departure during a three hour ESPN special called "The Decision Part II: The Reckoning". On the show, Lebron voiced his displeasure with several aspects of the NBA, especially the fact that his contract was reduced from $5 billion a year to a measly $4,900,000,000. In the LBA, Lebron will have total control of his salary, as all revenue earned from the league will be deposited directly into Lebron's bank account.