Uploaded on November 23, 2011 by AnyClip

The clip George and Ira Jokes from Funny People (2009) with Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen

So, I'm not married. I don't think I'm ever gonna get married.
I just... I can't find a reason to do it, you know?
Like, I got friends, like,
" You gotta get married. My wife.
" My wife is a... She's the best cook.
"My wife's the... You gotta."
And I'm like, "My cook's the best cook."
" But my wife, she's my best friend. "
" Yeah, my cook's actually a pretty good guy. " You know?
This could be funny.
Like, your dad didn't like you, so he named you and your dog George.
He'd be like, "Hey, George, come in here!
"Not you, the dog."
"George, I... Look at this awesome book I just got!"
And then you come in, it's like, "Not you, the dog."
That's funny.
Yeah.
" Hey, George, I made a nice steak for you. "
"Hey, thanks, Dad."
"Not you, the dog."
" Hey, George, I just put some peanut butter on my balls. Come lick it up. You. "
Fuck him.
I miss the dry hump as a concept in my life. It just doesn't...
I miss the dry hump 'cause you don't need a big dick to be a good dry humper.
You just need a big thigh, that's all you need.
Be able to get your thigh in there real good.
I can thigh the hell out of a girl.
Sexually, I'm completely terrible, but I could do this all day.
I'm very rich, by the way. I know that makes you fee good about your life.
I got so much.
"You have so much. Why not me?"
I have people stop m on the streets sometimes, just go,
"You have so much!" "Yes, yes." "Why not me?"
Like, "I don't know."
"Why you? I came out here to do what you do. "
"Well, you're not doing it."
" No, I'm not!
" Fuck you! I want all your money and all your whores. "
Airplanes are the last public place
where you can fart as loud as you want and no one cares.
'Cause they don't... It's loud. There's engine noise.
They just don't know it's you.
Like, you could literally be talking to someone you just met
and be sitting this far away from them
and look them dead in the eye as they talk about their grandson
and just fart as loud as you humanly can. Just...

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