The clip Daisy's Visit from Funny People (2009) with Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill
You know, so, like, I have this joke about how, like, you never see, like,
a very attractive, blonde, big-breasted homeless woman.
You know, like, someone will take care of that person no matter what.
That woman's gonna be fine. All right, so here's the joke.
You can be attractive and stupid and make it in the world.
And you could be unattractive and smart
and make it in the world.
But it's the ugly, dumb people who are really screwed
'cause they're ignorant and an eyesore.
That's funny, man.
That's pretty funny. I think that'll work.
I was thinking of doing this thing where, like,
I'm not good-looking and I'm not bad-looking.
I'm kind of, like, right in the middle, you know.
Like... Like, if I had a good personality, I could get any chick in the world,
but I don't.
Yeah, it doesn't work.
I auditioned for Budd Friedman at the lmprov.
He okayed me and made me a regular.
Budd won't even look me in the eye.
Man, that's... Good for you, man. Congratulations.
You shouldn't have lost all that weight, man.
There's nothing funny about a physically-fit man.
I know. It's lame, right?
No one wants to watch Lance Armstrong do comedy.
Oh, hey, Mark. Can you do me a favor and never leave a paycheck
from your shit sitcom on my pillow ever again, please?
That is so rude of me to accidentally leave my paycheck
for $25,000 on your pillow. I'm sorry.
It's a dick move.
It's just, they keep coming,
you know, week after week.
It's getting a little bit hard to keep track of them all.
You know what? Becoming marginally famous
has really turned you into an asshole.
Now listen, I'd love to stay here and chat with you, but we have company.
You know that girl comedian who lives across the street?
The one with the dark hair and the bangs?
Daisy, yeah. Daisy, right.
Well, I bumped into her outside and I invited her in,
and she's sitting in our living room right now.
She's out there right now?
She's hot and she's mousy, but kind of like...
She's mousy like a mouse you want to stick your dick in.
Yeah, you've gotta get out there and talk to her.
Why would you do that?
What do you mean, why would I do that?
I'm trying to hook you up.
Well, I'm laying groundwork, man.
I got a three-month plan. You can't just throw me into this.
I'll give you 10 days on your three-month plan.
No, I need 80 more days than that!
Okay, I do this because I care about you. I do this to motivate you.
But I will fuck that girl in 10 days. I promise.
The clip christmas-tree-attack-1 from Gremlins (1984) with Zach Galligan. Powered by: Anyclip. any moment from any film. Neat! Are you all right? I think so.
The clip wheres-your-car-duude from The Big Lebowski (1998) with John Goodman, Steve Buscemi. Powered by: Anyclip. any moment from any film. Where is your car? Who's got your undies, Walter? Where's your car, Dude? You don't know, Walter? It was parked in a handicap zone. Perhaps they towed it. You fuckin' know it's been stolen. Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude. Oh, fuck it. Where you goin', Dude? I'm goin' home, Donny. Phone's ringing, Dude. Thank you, Donny. Green. Some, brown or... Rust coloration. And was there anything of value in the car? ...a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a... my briefcase. In the briefcase? .. papers. You know just papers. You know, my papers. Business papers. And what do you do, Sir? I'm unemployed. My rug was also stolen. Your rug was in the car? No, here.