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The clip Dante confides in Randal from Clerks II (2006) with Jeff Anderson, Brian O'Halloran

I have pelvic piss syndrome like a motherfucker,
so be really fucking quiet.
Ew, dude, don't try looking at my dick.
What the fuck? What?
Should we have left that guy in there?
Oh, fuck him! How the fuck did you father a child
with a chick that's not your fiance?!
Holy shit!
She got pregnant off the toilet seat
you jerked off onto!
I fucking knew it!
No, we had sex one night after work, a few weeks ago.
What?! Where?!
Here, on the prep station table.
Ew! That's my prep table.
I don't know what to do.
What did Beck say?
She says she wants to have it.
Oh, my God, so she wants you to break it off
with Emma and marry her?
No.
She's gonna tell Emma?
No!
Wait a second... then what's the problem?
Are you that dense?
I'm serious.
If Becks isn't busting your balls about it,
what's the big deal?
You could still go down to Florida
and live happily ever after.
Knowing I have a love child up in Jersey?!
How the fuck do you always have,
like, two good-looking girls who want you?
You're the most hideous fucking CHUD
I've ever met, and you always have
a pair of girls fighting over you.
Listen, you can never tell anybody about this.
Who am I gonna tell?
I'm serious, Randal! And not just for me.
Becky says she doesn't want anybody to know.
Then what'd you tell me for?
Look, you've fucked me over in the past,
but this is huge.
This is serious!
Promise me that you'll keep your mouth shut,
because if you fuck me over this time,
I swear to God, I will beat the shit out of you.
You and what army?
I'm serious!
I'm serious, too. You and what army?
Promise me!
All right! Get off of me, you nut!
What the fuck?!
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Oh, yeah, sure. Uh, we were just...
May your first child be a masculine child.
Becky!
Randal!
She was sweating me. It just came out.
Ow! Shit!
You swung at me!
You ducked!
Because you swung at me!
Damn it!