Prescription Drugs+Alcohol-Death

so i left that woman beater (first husband)
this one is good though
but i'm still messed up
all i'm saying is
once your messed up beaten and abused
YOU NEVER COME BACK
not to who you could of been anyway
THE RIVER RUNS DEEP

and i could tell you more, but it just gets uglier, because men knew i was insecure
they could READ it
though i did not have sex with them
it pretty much turned me into the agressive one later
and life changed more
i really didn't like that .44 smith and wesson magnum held to my head by my 1st husband
but you see
i was insecure so thats what i attracted
and thats the cycle of life
weak men are attracted to insecure weak women
that way
they have power over you
oh i know

and always remember
WHERE ALL BORN TERMINAL
its not a matter of if
ITS A MATTER OF WHEN
and you did everything you could
i wish i had you for a mom when i was little
thank you
PEACE

i know what happened to her
she lost her trust in people she trusted
SHE LOST HER TRUST
and you can't ever get that back

and please don't write me and say "you need help"
i have been there, they say to me "you got it figured out already"
no i don't
but i also know there is really no one that can make me feel better about what i can't even remember happened!
but when i get on that horse, big beautiful lipizanner, i get my power back
strange for sure
i'm just trying to make you see
how deep this river runs
i have love all around me now
and im still not well, and i'm 48
but YOU sure are a lovely person!

my daughter is 13 and on her way to achieving
my sons are both major achievers

but i am still insecure
and hateful
bitter (never to my kids though)
yet, i love my children number one
in fact, thats who i trust enough to truly love
my 3 children
and life has been a rough nasty road
and i don't like it
looking forward to my death when my daughter is on her own
once again
thank you for this
i understand her

I just don't think you can help someone that feels as angry and hurt as i do
i know about psychology
i know about reptiles
and bugs
but i never went to school
i liked spending time with my kids
but i also never got over my insecurity
i like to drink to soften the blow
its a terrible thing
i used to look like a model
now i look like loser
still have my brains though
so i want to thank you for this
no easy fix though
i'm married to a micro biologist research scientist
my daughter

i know my mom and dad did nothing with me as a child
i showed my pony only when i could ride the 6 miles to town to show him
and i won too
but no one was there
and no one came to my graduation and i got honors which was horrible because my parents werent there and the school made me come up to the stand
i sure wish i had not one anything
anyway
it goes back a long ways
but i don't think you can get someone confident again
i just don't think you could of done it

when i was 4 i started riding horses
to feel POWERFUL (big animal under me, no one could mess with me now)
i'm 48 now and still ride a big horse
i also like my gun
.357 magnum so no one can hurt my daughter now 13
i can not remember anything happeneing to me
but i can tell you
i am hateful sometimes
and feel powerless
and totally insecure
yet my IQ is 143
(thats really high)
i always feel like a creep
a powerful creep

what a lovely message
thank you for trying, yes "trying"
you can't reach us though
i'm 48 and WHATEVER happened to me i blocked out
i don't remember it
but i know i found you by looking for "death"
and i know i drink to stay numb
and i raised 3 (still raising my 13 year old daughter)
both of my sons now are grown , 28 and 24 and both are achievers
totally
i spent all my time with them
but trust me
this will not mend
its an insecurity that is so deep
we can never gain it back

I just posted this week..We hope this will help another family...God Bless

Thank You.....

Thank you .....

Amen Wes---Thank you for the heads-up on this video. Our hearts go out to this family and to all families with similar circumstance.

Yvonne,Bob and Kazandra
Ava,Illinois

I will pass on your heartfelt and informative message to as many people as I can. I too have lost loved ones to these things that seem to be irreparable but can now be helped with the right direction and love and informed new options. God Bless You for your diligence and care. I hurt for you and yours,
Wes