The Amputee Rap by Josh Sundquist

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Published 2 Jul 2011
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Here's what it's like to walk a mile in my shoe(s).


I got one leg
but a smile on my face
You'd be smiling too
If you had my par-king space

My leg is cut off
Way up at the hip
But I using these crutches
I run pretty quick
Using these crutches
I ghost ride the whip

When I walk by
People stare and they gawk, 
I'm a handicapped hustler with a
natural pimp walk

Did you lose your leg in Iraq?
No, I lost it in a shark attack.

The real true answer
Lost my leg cancer,
But it don't stop me
I'm a one legged dancer 

I can break and c-walk
And soldier boy too,
I can do the stanky leg g
How bout you? 

I go hard on the dance floor
Set it on fire
Crutch tips worn down
So I'm a low rider 

I was reading up on twitter
Some guy wrote a tweet
Said he can't dance
Cause he's got two left feet

Now he's my follower
Says I'm his hero
Cause when it comes to left feet
Yo I got zero. 

People always trying
to hold the door
once they notice
I got less than four 

A-M-P-U-T-E-E Listen up people don't feel sorry for me!
A-M-P-U-T-E-E The glass is half full I still got three!

In morning I wake up
ten seconds after you
Cause when I put my swag on
I only tie one shoe

And when I do the laundry
It totally rocks
Because unlike you
I don't hafta pair my socks 

I ain't scared to fight
No not one bit
I'll just unleash
My pendulum kick

I'll swing my arm
and crack your cranium
Cause these crutches
Are made outta titanium 

To borrow the expression
Give it some context
I'm a one legged man
In an ass-kicking contest  

Because of modern science
I am what I am
Thanks to technology
I'm a bionic man 

I don't need no grills
I think you'll agree
I got something better
It's a hydrolic knee

You proud of your bling?
Cracker what? Cracker please
This leg right here
Cost 25 g's 

Rappers think they the realist
Chasing money cash hoes
I'm more real than all ya'll
And I got fake toes

Rappers deal with snitches
I deal with stitches
I spend my riches
Making customized britches
Which is
Why I look so fly 

A-M-P-U-T-E-E Listen up people don't feel sorry for me!
A-M-P-U-T-E-E The glass is half full I still got three!

Here's some information
I don't know when you might need this
It's a list of pranks
You can do with a prosthesis

Hide that fake leg in
Unexpected places
Like toilets and beds
Then watch people's faces

Or hang the prosthesis
Out the drunk of your car.
And then park it beside
Your local grave yard.

A great way to add
Some fun to your life
Go out in public
Stab your leg with a knife


When I'm not making videos, I'm a motivational speaker:
Categories: Comedy
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