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  Cadillac ATS Vs. The Wind

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I was mildly excited to see this movie when I rented it. As a vampire and overall horror movie fan, I believed this would be an enjoyable vampire horror fest type of B movie. Boy was I in for a surprise. The movie is about a vampire who falls for a human, then decides he wants to be cured of vampyrism so he can share his life with this woman. Well, this woman is not very attractive, making me wonder why a vampire would want to give up immortality and sex with one of his sexier vampire friends to be with this much older looking girl who he has absolutely NO chemistry with.

As for the vampires, if you like a bunch of people with fangs on standing around growling like jaguars and not really doing anything, this movie is for you. They can't fight, jump, or move. They just stand there with their arms up like if they're trying to climb an imaginary wall. Then there are the fight scenes, which are not very well choreographed, having people stand around to get hit while the vampire performs a roundhouse kick that takes about 2 hours to connect.

The acting is horrible, and my first warning came early, when the heroine's dad is punched by her drunk fiancee. He gets punched and falls down the steps without a hint of concern from his daughter and wife, who just stand there. Theres also the poor man's "antonio banderas" who you will recognize if you see this film. Oh yeah, theres a midget who comes out dressed as an undertaker, I could keep going and going...

Just when I thought things could not possibly get worse, there was the "space scene". I could not believe what I was watching... I told my wife about this scene and she was so bewildered that I had to show her. If you've seen this movie you will know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, if you feel like a good laugh and have 2 hours to spend, or if you're stoned and want to laugh hysterically, this movie is for you. If you want to see a good movie, avoid at all costs. Why anyone would greenlight an attrocious movie like this is beyond me. The only good thing about it were some of the locations.

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