By Better TV
By Better TV
Let's get a few fucking things straight about Victoria Stilwell. I want to fuck this bitch until she changes species. Seriously, I'm not fucking about. I'm gonna fuck her like a dog until she barks for me.
I think it was Mike Tyson who said "I'm gonna fuck you 'til love me white boy, you punk, you sissy, you faggot!" and that's pretty much how I feel about Victoria. I'm going to make her mine. I will have ownage of the Stilwell arse. Believe that.
Her fuckwit husband will wake up one morning to find a repossession order on his breakfast table, an empty panty drawer and a life of futile masturbation ahead of him. I don't give a fuck. She belongs to me now. She has Property of Aerial Telly stamped on her forehead and that's all that matters.
I don't think she's that attractive or anything - I just like a woman who's good with dogs. I mean, I started fancying Supernanny after a couple of episodes and she's a weird-looking flagcracker.
It turns out I'm not the only one with strong feelings for Victoria as most of the dogs on the series make a beeline for her thigh and hump the shit out of it. Long since inured to such touching expressions of canine lust you'd swear she enjoys it if you didn't know better (or didn't know the libel laws).
Stilwell has that annoying girly voice that gets under your skin and makes you want to fuck her brains out so it's little wonder that the dogs just go crazy for her. The vocal training that served her well in the acting field has proved priceless in her new career.
Of course there are the attendant moron owners who don't seem to have mastered the basics of treating dogs like dogs (ie letting them sleep in the marital bed with them, set the video and host dinner parties).
The series kicked off with Pugsly - a bulldog shitting and pissing everywhere, biting and humping everybody in sight.
"You're rather magnificent aren't you?" coos Victoria "I think I'm going to fall in love with you." Pugsly responds by humping her leg. "Not that much!" squeals Victoria. She's such a tease.
There's a deluded turd of a husband spoiling the fat pig with treats - the fact that it bites his children and draws blood matters nothing to him.
I'd gut him like a pig if he were in my house - the goatee-bearded tub of guts
You probably know the drill by now - good behaviour is rewarded and bad behaviour is punished. Give the dog more exercise and slap some sense into the owner. And the dog is told to get the fuck off the sofa or gets its bollocks cut off.
Victoria seems inordinately keen on castration as a cure for all doggy ills. Well, we'll soon put a stop to that - she's my wife now and she'll do what I say.