In which I discuss my students (again), get excited about a professor who is actively decreasing suck by playing Skyrim, and bring back the happy dance. All for you guys!
Today’s dose of awesome: Mars Rover! *******tinyurl****/74x9sgx
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From Uncyclopedia -
All Quiet on the Western Front is a first person shooter RPG game developed by the German game developer Remark Studios. It is the first of a series of franchise based on World War I, and was made for Microsoft Windows and Mac OS X personal computers and the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and Wii video game consoles. A year after the game was released, it was banned in Germany due to the overt realism which reminded the Germans of their failure in war. The game was critically acclaimed, receiving 96% on GameRankings and 94% on Metacritic. It sold 2.5 million copies worldwide during its first eighteen months, and is considered a classic among the gaming community.
In which I petition you wonderful viewers for some nerdy shirt ideas, and revisit high school. Accidentally. Honestly, I’m not sure where I went with this video.
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Today’s dose of awesome, a walking octopus! *******tinyurl****/c5ybxx3
History is a form of propaganda dedicated to ensuring that people continue to hear the messages of two key groups: 1, the Nazis; and 2, the Confederacy.
Anything that does not pertain to the Nazis or the Confederacy is probably not history. The rest of the planet outside America and Nazi Germany considers this bloody annoying, except for France, who in Modern World History books, as a tribute to their pathetic military history, have been given countless sections. And we all know the only significant contribution of the French to modern civilisation is the Baguette.
This is shown by the fact that 88% of all history ever written has something to do with Hitler, German attempts to build an atomic bomb, the Battle of Gettysburg, Confederate efforts to build a usefulsubmarine, and the fateful day that Rudolph Hess used the Fuhrer's time machine to go back and bring Stonewall Jackson to what was then the future to ensure a Nazi victory over the Empire of the Moon during World War II.
In which I discuss the perks of being a TA (none), the awkward first night as a husband, and my poor brain’s eventual fate.
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Today’s Dose of Awesome – E.Coli Fuel… WHAT?! *******tinyurl****/cyqhfjm
LeBron James quits the NBA (Uncyclopedia):
In light of the shortened NBA season and player salary cuts, professional megalomaniac and occasional basketball player Lebron James has quit the Miami Heat in order to create a basketball league of his own. The new league, called the the LBA (LebronJames Basketball Association), is similar to the NBA except that Lebron James is the only player in the league. Instead of the typical 5 on 5 matchups usually seen in pro basketball, "games" in the LBA will feature Lebron running aimlessly around the court, dunking, shooting trick shots, and occasionally cracking jokes with the audience. Lebron James is the commissioner of the new league, as well as the head coach and starting guard of the league's only team, the Lebron James Lebrons. It is also rumored that Dwayne Wade will provide color commentary for all LBA games.
NBA analysts were unsure whether or not Lebron would stick with the Heat until he announced his departure during a three hour ESPN special called "The Decision Part II: The Reckoning". On the show, Lebron voiced his displeasure with several aspects of the NBA, especially the fact that his contract was reduced from $5 billion a year to a measly $4,900,000,000. In the LBA, Lebron will have total control of his salary, as all revenue earned from the league will be deposited directly into Lebron's bank account.
In which I have the worst morning of the semester, talk about animals, and then forget which day it is.
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Today’s dose of awesome – Han Solo chocolate bar! *******tinyurl****/cutf3pu
Uncyclopedia – Star Wars:
In 1975, George Lucas had an idea. Not an idea as simple as one that you or I might have, of course, as the idea was not had by you or me. It was had by George Lucas. Yes, George Lucas, already the brilliant mastermind behind such works as American Graffiti, but who really cares about that, anyway? He made fucking STAR WARS!!
Well, he made six of them as to separate all this into chapters of a serial since this he realized he could make more money and draw a larger audience if he stretched this out. All he wanted to do was special effects and making movies was his way of making BILLIONS for his special effects along. This six-part saga was going to be a NINE-part series, but even Lucas himself got fed up with this damn thing. Well, he had this idea, and he made his movie(s). A movie which took place a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....
It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base have... etc, etc, DEATH STAR!!, etc, Princess Leia, etc, save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy!!
In which my brain is thrashed by examinations, and I open some mail!
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Today’s dose of awesome: A new home, ON ANOTHER PLANET! *******tinyurl****/8yx4d2k
It has been statistically proven that the use of statistics can improve the effiency of many everyday processes, though this could be considered to be a circular proof. Also, several statistical studies have shown that the probability for the null hypothesis to be rejected is directly proportional to the cost of data collection. Of course, all of these mentioned studies' results were shown to be significant because they were really expensive to perform. See also data manipulation.
Statistically speaking, the average (85%) probability of all probabilities is "50-50", or "SO-SO" (85%), meaning that any given action either will or will not occur. Thus, the only conclusion one can obtain from a statistic is "so-so", regardless of the question. It is important to note that 40% (85%) of all statistics, including the statisticy statistics, are statistically made up on the spot.
The two major branches of statistics are prescriptive statistics and preferential statistics, both offering oonyvariate (85%) and mooltivariate (85%) varieties. Lesser known branches include existential statistics (85%) and transcendental statistics (85%), the first of which you know in your heart is true and the second of which just left the room for a second, had to get a glass of water, so we'll wait for it. Should be back any moment now --- at least, there's an 85% chance of it.
In which my evil twin Procrastinatorater keeps me from posting a song, I subject myself to a second helping of ginger, and I discuss the perils of thin walls and ceilings.
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Today’s Dose of Awesome – Wooly Mammoth Rides! *******tinyurl****/c74w9a6
Uncyclopedia – Ice Age!
Originally, the term was invented by a group of distinguished scientists to describe the summer, when most ice cream is sold. Historians later twisted the truth (as they so often do) by using the term for the time when a substance closely resembling raspberry ice cream covered the whole earth. Probably the moon and the sun, too. The only place without ice was Paris, where blood from the executions at the guillotine prevented ice from forming. Also, much to popular belief the dinosaurs did not live during the most recent ice age, yes kids, in Ice Age 3 Manny, Diego and that random retarded sloth thingy are all in a police cell having a very bad trip...(That includes the first two movies as well.) It helps to know such valid and important information, man, I don't know what the producer was smoking when he was producing that movie...
Devised by Alan Parsons in 1794, it has grown into a massive state project in the last quarter century, trying to determine the age of ice flows across the globe.
The basic process of determining ice age is simple. For this experiment, all you need is a lump of ice and a piece of apparatus known as a glaciodripometer. Just melt the ice you want to date and the number of drops of water produced is the age of the ice in years. The viability of this system for dealing with ice of an age well over 4 million years has recently come into question.
In which I run from a creepy army of Louis Letrush-es, and talk about something serious. Seriously.
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Today’s dose of Awesome: PENGUIN SAVIORS! *******tinyurl****/chbtm6f
Long ago Penguins and Humans fought a war for the galaxy, and after a thousand years of war with quadrillions dead, humans did the unthinkable in a last desperate act - humans denied their enemy victory. As remaining human forces fell back to earth, Humans razed all worlds with orbital bombardment. Humans won the P-Day Invasion only to fight a lost war against overwhelming odds. Only one inhabitable planet remains for humans - Earth, which the penguins now have a foothold on. We are now in a corner some say we put ourselves in by launching random missiles into space. Fail humans fail. Recent penguin activity involves attempting to fly using rocket and jetpacks, but at 6000 -feets- seem to crash into icebergs. Penguins are mortal enemies with the poor defenseless polar bears and Leopard Seals.
In which I talk about the final exam I gave my students, skyrim (sort of), and old people.
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Today’s Dose of Awesome: I know Kung-Fu. *******tinyurl****/74t4w4w
Similar to the story of Cinderella, Matrixism spent the first part of her life locked away in a hidden cyber dungeon. This was done not because she was a hideous embarrassment to her family but rather because she looked so totally hot in her black latex catsuit. Naturally all of the other religions in Hollywood were jealous. By putting Matrixism into bondage they reasoned that they were actually doing her a favor because a dungeon is the perfect place for a religion prone to wearing fetish clothing. Eventually the Mystic Maiden (that's what they called Matrixism back in the day) was rescued from the clutches of the evil Dungeon/Whoremaster Wikipedia by the Archangel Gabriel and Lawrence Fishburne. Together this trio escaped by means of a flying carpet.
It was prior to their escape that the Archangel Gabriel spoke thus unto Matrixism "You don't know what we can find. Why don't you come with me little girl on a magic carpet ride?" To this Matrixism replied "Sure. Why not?" Thus began the Miraj or Ascension of Matrixism during which the Mystic Maiden, Gabriel and Lawrence Fishburne flew on their magic carpet to the hippest raves in Bethlehem, Mount Sinai, New York and London as well as an after hours party in Heaven. It was there in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park that Matrixism met with the Holyland's previous Prophets; Muhammad,Krishna, Buddha Aldous Huxley, etc. In the middle of a drum circle, on three hits of LSD, the Prophets spoke thus unto Matrixism "You are the first and the last. You are the main Squeeze of the Prophet Neo who will soon be played in real life by the not-so-talented actor Keanu Reeves." Further they spoke unto her "Go forth be fruitful and vandalize."
In which I make a soup with a happy meal. It was delicious. You should try it.
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Today’s Dose of Awesome: MOMMA SUN CLEAN YO’ CLOTHES: *******tinyurl****/7ytvxko
The KFC Rebellion
After years of being McDonald's top chef, KFC started getting sick of working in 110 Degree weather, which was only amplified by constantly working over a stove. Behind Ronald's back, KFC sold out McMordor's rights to Peter Jackson, who funded The Hippies, giving two short guys, Sam and some loser called Frodo the biggest objective in the quest, to destroy the Ring of Diet; when worn, you would stay forever thin. To destroy Ronald, who had turned himself into a giant firiiiiiiieeee eye for reasons currently unknown, they would have to throw it into the Pit of Boiling Fat, which vaguely resembled lava.
During the attack, KFC cut his beard, also for reasons unknown. They met Golem, the first of many victims to fall under the power of Ronald. When they reached the Pit of Boiling Fat, Frodo was seduced by the Ring of Diet, so Sam pushed him into the "Lava". Golem got a job as a Liposuction Spokesperson, and the Hippies were forever happy.
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Classic Game Room presents a CGRundertow video feature on the QR code for Derek's Mii. One of the coolest features of the Nintendo 3DS is its ability to save your created Mii avatars as a QR code, which can be scanned by a friend's 3DS and saved on their system. Since the 3DS launch has felt somewhat incomplete due to missing online features and an average library of launch games, Derek thought he'd give your 3DS an added dose of awesome. Scan his QR code to take him on the road with you in your Nintendo 3DS! This video features video footage of the Nintendo 3DS with audio commentary from Classic Game Room's Derek.